Appraisal ki Pyaas

Badla developer ka

Tester bana shaitan

Manager ki cheekh

Tadapti Delivery

Darinda PM

Client ka Kahaer!

Viraana Cubicle!

Khooni Call

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO  SMART WOMEN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT…..

Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.

One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.

MAD: Is it police station ???

Police: Yes, what is the matter ???

MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.

Police: Are you mad?

MAD: Yes, I”m MAD.

Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.

MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom…

Police: you FOOL…

MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke..
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Alley alley bura laga…

Joke tha re …..

A Wife IS A Wife,

No Matter

Who The HELL

You ARE!!


I
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M - For the MILLION things she gave me,
O - For she’s growing OLD,
T - For the TEARS she shed to save me,
H - For her HEART of purest gold,
E - For her EYES, with love-light shining,
R - For she is always RIGHT and always be.

You”ve seen me laugh, You”ve seen me cry
And always you were there with me, I may not have always said it
But thanks and I love you ( Happy Mother”s Day)

SORRY Dont get confused, arey baba “SORRY” means S - SOME O - ONE”S R - REALLY,
R - REMEMBERING Y - YOU.

I”m sorry to be smiling every time you”re near. I”m sorry my eyes twinkle whenever you”re here. I”m sorry that cupid has made his hit. I”m sorry I love you, I can”t help it.

I wish you all the best for your long life
You are the reason I am here and what I am
Thank you for what you have done for me.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY

One father is more than hundred school masters
HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever
HAPPY FATHERS DAY

You mean a lot to me…
and so does your health and happiness
so here’s a wisht to say
& take good care of yourself (GET WELL SOON)

May the little flower, laying in gloom, Rise and bloom, Swaying endlessly, this way and that way, Morn to dusk, everyday. Get Well Soon!

If a perfumed rose touches your face, if your mobile dances on a nice tone
Remember, its me trying to say you (HAPPY VALENTINES DAY).

Tears can sometimes be more special than smiles
For smiles can be given to any one
But tears are only shed for people who we love…
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.

See stars are blinking,Moon is shinning & breeze is singing… Bcoz I ask them to greet U a special Good Night…!!!

Close your eyes, Concentrate your mind & Pray to God about the things That you want most.
GOD must fulfill your prayer… Have a nice sleep…

Whatever is bright & beautiful, whatever means the most to you
whatever brings you happiness, these are the things I pray for you Always.

Heart is like a crystal, preserve it
Love is like a perfume, spread it
Feelings are like flood, flow it
Friendship is like an umbrella, come lets share it

Dreams are not those which are seen during sleep. Dreams are those which will never let you sleep. So see the dreams and work hard to make them true.

Hardest moment is not that when you lose something and tears come out of your eyes, but its the one when you lose something and still manage to smile.

If you can solve your problem then whats the need of worrying
If you can’t solve it then whats the use of worrying
If a drop falls on lake, it loses its identity.
If it falls on a rose, it shines
if it falls on a shell, it becomes a pearl
the drop is same but company matters

Little keys can open big locks
Simple words can express great thoughts
A text from you never fails to make me smile the whole day through!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends, you order what you want then you see what the other person has.. you wish U had ordered that.

Tears can sometimes be more special than smiles
For smiles can be given to any one
But tears are only shed for people who we love…
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.

See stars are blinking,Moon is shinning & breeze is singing… Bcoz I ask them to greet U a special Good Night…!!!

Close your eyes, Concentrate your mind & Pray to God about the things That you want most.
GOD must fulfill your prayer… Have a nice sleep…

Whatever is bright & beautiful, whatever means the most to you
whatever brings you happiness, these are the things I pray for you Always.

Heart is like a crystal, preserve it
Love is like a perfume, spread it
Feelings are like flood, flow it
Friendship is like an umbrella, come lets share it

Dreams are not those which are seen during sleep. Dreams are those which will never let you sleep. So see the dreams and work hard to make them true.

Hardest moment is not that when you lose something and tears come out of your eyes, but its the one when you lose something and still manage to smile.

If you can solve your problem then whats the need of worrying
If you can’t solve it then whats the use of worrying
If a drop falls on lake, it loses its identity.
If it falls on a rose, it shines
if it falls on a shell, it becomes a pearl
the drop is same but company matters

Little keys can open big locks
Simple words can express great thoughts
A text from you never fails to make me smile the whole day through!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends, you order what you want then you see what the other person has.. you wish U had ordered that.

When things go wrong
When sadness fills your heart
When tears flow in your eyes
Always remember 3 things
1) I am with you
2) You have money
3) Bar is open, Lets go.

Today if anyone praises U for ur beauty, nature, style, attitude… kick them… How dare they fool U before APRIL 1st.

Today, tommorow and forever there will be one heart that would always beat for you.
You know Whose???
Your Own Stupid!!!

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

U R 100% beautiful,
U R 100% lovely,
U R 100% sweet,
U R 100% nice, and
U R 100% stupid to believe these words…

So many options;
Poison, Sleeping Pills, Hanging, Jumping from a building, Lying on railway tracks But
We all choose MARRIAGE!! Slow and Surely

A student grabbed a coin, Flipped it in the air & said,
“Head, I go to sleep.”Tail, I watch a movie. If it stands on the edge I’ll study

Sometimes small things in life hurt alot….
If you don’t agree with me,
Then,
Try to sit on a PIN…

If your eyes are sweet you would like all the people of the world, but if your tongue is sweet all the people will like YOU.

Let love be the guide to your dreams
let love be the light to your heart
let your love be the reason why somebody else’s heart still continues to beat

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.